Saturday, April 16, 2011
Letter to God (my personal release)
I know that you have been looking down on me and seeing all of the things in which have been occurring in my life. Some good and some bad. God, I am having so much difficulty at this moment with various things and I think you may know exactly what I am talking about. I have been trying very hard to become closer with you because I know that you will be able to guide me in these endeavors. However, sometimes I stray away from you because I let the bad get the best of me. I know that I should put my faith in you 100% and understand that things will occur no matter what. Whether I am prepared for them or not. I have neglected you for a very long time and it has not been fair to you. I am speaking to you in this form because writing is my release from all stress and it helps me to let go of many negative emotions. I am having many doubts about certain things that I know I should not. I have so much love and care in my heart, but it seems to slowly disintegrate. This world is very cruel at times and it is harder for me to put trust into anyone but you. I have been working on learning to trust and I must say it has not been an easy journey. I will be very honest with you; I am scared of disappointment and failure. I am scared that the things I am most happy about will soon disappointment me. I am scared that I will not succeed in the form that I would like to succeed. Even though I am scared I am trying everyday to maintain positive thoughts with you in my mind. You have never let me down and I know that you have put these things in front of me for a purpose. You love me more than anyone in this world could ever love me. The tears that have been brought into my eyes have only helped me grow as an individual in the long run. I watched this movie Letters To God and it touched my heart so much. I think this is why I chose to write you a letter in my blog. I try to talk to you every single night, but I feel that writing to you can help me bring a closer relationship with you. I just want to know one thing. Why is that I always seem to make myself disappointed almost each night with things that probably don't even make sense? I get so confused as to why I look at things in my life and begin to question them all the time. It can be something so great, but I question it by asking myself why is it happening? There must be something wrong if it is happening. I know in my heart I shouldn't be doing this to myself, but God...it's difficult. I promise with all my heart and strength that I truly do try to fix this about myself. I don't know how long it will take, but I really do put my trust into you. I want guidance in helping me to become a better person. I've made so many mistakes in my life and you are the only person that will still love me unconditionally. I am not a perfect person, but I have been trying to be the best I can be. For myself and for the people I love dearly in my life. Help me have the strength to continue to do this in my life. Protect those people that I love with all my heart and guide them in making the right decisions. I know some of them have neglected you, but I know you have a place in their heart. Help guide them to find you and be able to love you as much as I have learned to love you. I try to stay positive for myself and mostly for you. All you want is to be loved as you love all of us on this earth. I love you with all my heart and I hope that I will able to conquer all of these fears I have. With you in my life I know it can happen, I just must learn to be patient.